'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
this hospital has no fireball
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
