He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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