I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
