I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
