All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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