It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
