That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
