Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
