Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
