I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
