pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
