you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
