the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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