i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
