this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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