i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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