So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
