she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
