Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
