At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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