He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
