i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
