I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
