Midget sex pt 2 tonight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
