Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
