Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
