He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
