butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
