We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pooping to opera.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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