Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How drunk are you?
Completed.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
