All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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