Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
