So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
