I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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