I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
