there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
