yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
