they need to just BURY HIM!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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