Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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