just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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