I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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