I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
