She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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