I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
