it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
