is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
