I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
