i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
