that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
