Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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